One cup of "you're forgiven."

Have you ever had an internal "hidden" ugly reaction, rather than an external, and still felt the immediate, smack in the face, lesson?

I have. Many times.

Every day God is teaching me to control my emotions.

I'll cut right to the point.

Jesus's ‘told you so’ moment took place this morning @ 9:30 am.

We arrived at Starbucks.

(If you're a Starbucks addict like myself, you'll probably relate to this even more).

Picture this:

My hubby was at my side, ready to drink coffee blissfully with me in a cozy corner, eager to read the Word, and we were ready to write our hearts away.

A picturesque morning date.

Reality:

No one cared about this date.

Not any of the people crowding up all the painfully, yet obviously, taken up seats.

Not the baristas.

Not the man who hurriedly rushed in before us to snatch the last seat, toss all his stuff on the table to show he claimed it and then run off to the bathroom. (Don't be fooled, that seat was HIS!)

Not the two children slopping up their cake pops.

I repeat. No one!

Internally:

I was screaming. Frustrated. Annoyed. Rolling my eyes.

My heart began to beat faster due to anxiety settling in.

Too many people.

Introvert mode activated in 3…2…1.

Congratulations, joy has officially been stolen.

Thank goodness no one could see my internal meltdown. It was ugly.

I sunk inside.

I just wanted a morning I envisioned. Peaceful. No interruptions. Quiet. Seriously, is that too much to ask?!

My hubby stood there staring at me, awkwardly. Did he see my insides crumbling down, frustrated beyond reason?

Nope.

He was just waiting for me to order my coffee.

Yep, this is that ugly side to me. I allow my introverted, unruly side to emerge; control all thoughts and actions in a moment I could have easily responded to, rather than reacted.

Repeating what I stated above: "Thank goodness no one could see my internal meltdown." I was so wrong. Oh so wrong! Truth is, there is someone who can always see within. Jesus.

Just because I reacted internally does not mean it did not go unnoticed.

"I the Lord search the heart." - Jeremiah 17:10

The hubs continued to stare at me awaiting an answer. I looked up at him, smiled (as if nothing was going on) and said - let’s just go somewhere else. Believe me, we went quickly.

Once we hopped in the car I sighed loudly. “I really wanted Starbucks, today!” My poor seat belt felt the brunt of that sentence come out of my mouth.

My patient and very understanding husband replies: “Well, if you really want it, let’s go back in and grab your drink and I can get mine elsewhere. We could always grab a coffee to go and head back home?”

This made me itch.

I did NOT want to go home and this is NOT what I wanted to do. I was now annoyed he even suggested.

Poor guy tried.

We welcomed Panera Bread.

Believe me, I did NOT want Panera Bread coffee. (insert crying and kicking like a toddler inside). But it'll do.

We got out of our little truck, grabbed our study gear and headed in. I may have sluggishly followed behind a bit, just to add to my inner tantrum.

Once inside, to my surprise, not ONE person was there!

You could actually hear the music.

The smells welcomed us.

MMMMM - so good.

WAIT - nope, I’m still upset.

I escaped going to find a spot in the very depths of the restaurant. It had to be the coziest corner to have no interruptions. As I walked away, the hubs asked me: “Would you like a coffee?”

I irritatedly replied over my shoulder: “no.”

I’m sure he sighed by this point. I mean, I would too if I were him.

He continued to order his food and coffee with an aurora of contentment.

I found our spot, took a breath, and sat down.

But then it hit...

Well hello, Holy Spirit.

Then the great flood of corrective thoughts swooped in.

This is just plain silly. This is not me. Not at all, not at my best.

It’s not like me to get this peeved over something so minuscule.

Why did I get so upset? Why did I allow this? Why did I take it out on my hubby who most definitely did not deserve it? None of those people deserved my thoughtless judgment either.

The past thirty minutes of my life was not cool.

*sigh* I was wrong.

I stood up from my seat and headed back to the counter, leaving the end of myself behind.

I re greeted Ryan, this time with an authentic smile. He had just wrapped up his order and paid. I leaned in and whispered to him. “Okay, I’ll take a coffee now.” My tone filled with apology.

He chipped up, smiled, and asked the young woman behind the counter if he could add one more coffee to the order. She nodded and quickly proceeded.

As she sat down the cup, her eyes lit up and a big, teeth-filled smiled gifted me with, “Here, don’t worry, it’s on the house.”

My eyes met hers. “Thank you!” Apology still in my tone, even though she had no clue what just went down internally.

I turned and took my empty cup to the coffee station. I stood there, paused, and simply let everything sink in.

I see what you did there, Jesus.

Instant lesson:

Just because the morning didn't go my way, does not mean I have to react with internal meltdowns, think thoughtlessly about others, or let the joy of a moment be stolen.

God can and will use us in any situation, but are we willing to set aside our selfish desires and allow Him to do it?

Thankful for forgiveness:

Jesus, you are so good to me. I am undeserving, yet your forgiveness is always overflowing. Your love is always redirecting, teaching grace, and guiding my fixed thoughts to a new perspective.

"Great is His faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning." - Lamentations 3:23

I turned to head to our cozy, quiet corner, with a coffee in hand.

Happily, I sat next to my hubby, ready to blissfully sip my coffee.

My mind was ready to read the Word and write my heart out.

Perfection.

My cup was full, literally.

"Be still and know that I am with you." -Psalms 46:10

"Love others because He first loved us"

1 John 4:19

Let's connect!

Q: what are your 'Jesus tells you so' moments?

Q: what is Jesus correcting in your heart on a daily basis?

#forgiveness #jesus #overflowing #mycupisfull #lifelessons #blogginblondie

Coffee brings out my smile. ;)